10 posts tagged “love”
I have a secret. I was watching u first.
지금 알고 있는 걸 그때도 알았더라면
내 가슴이 말하는 것에 더 자주 귀 기울였으리라.
더 즐겁게 살고, 덜 고민했으리라.
금방 학교를 졸업하고 머지않아 직업을 가져야 한다는 걸 깨달았으리라.
아니, 그런것들은 잊어 버렸으리라.
다른 사람들이 나에 대해 말하는 것에는
신경쓰지 않았으리라.
그 대신 내가 가진 생명력과 단단한 피부를 더 가치있게 여겼으리라.
더 많이 놀고, 덜 초조해 했으리라.
진정한 아름다움은 자신의 인생을 사랑하는 데 있음을 기억했으리라.
부모가 날 얼마나 사랑하는가를 알고
또한 그들이 최선을 다하고 있었음을 믿었으리라.
사랑에 더 열중하고
그 결말에 대해선 덜 걱정했으리라.
설령 그것이 실패로 끝난다 해도
더 좋은 어떤 것이 기다리고 있음을 믿었으리라.
아, 나는 어린아이처럼 행동하는 걸 두려워하지 않았으리라.
더 많은 용기를 가졌으리라.
모든 사람에게 좋은 면을 발견하고
그것들을 그들과 함께 나눴으리라.
지금 알고 있는 걸 그때도 알았더라면
나는 분명코 춤추는 법을 배웠으리라.
내 육체를 있는 그대로 좋아했으리라.
내가 만나는 사람을 신뢰하고
나 역시 누군가에게 신뢰할 만한 사람이 되었으리라.
입맞춤을 즐겼으리라.
정말로 자주 입을 맞췄으리라.
분명코 더 감사하고,
더 많이 행복해 했으리라.
지금 알고 있는 걸 그때도 알았더라면.
by Kimberly Kirberger
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your live, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, after that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people, it's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you'll see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I've learned that there are people, who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance same goes for true love.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgive by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. I've learned to love and be loved. I've learned.
- Omer Washington
+
yes, i too have learned and i am continuously learning, every moment in my life.
still, there's so much to learn -- so much to be seen, so much to be heard, so much to be experienced, so much to be realized, so much to be understood..
so, i hope never to stop learning, until the day i die.
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사랑하는 사람을 잃었을 때 생기는
주체하지 못할만큼의 슬픔과
가슴 속의 빈자리.
그리고,
살아가는 매 순간마다 느껴지는 그것을 어찌하지 못하는
꼬마.
솔직히 꼬마의 행동이 꽤나 annoying했던 적도 많았는데
다 읽고 나니
아....
이해하겠다.
그 마음 알겠다.
얼마나 아프고 멍들었을까.
그 작고 어린 가슴.
상처가 따끔따끔 쓰라리다 못해 너무 아파 온 몸이 먹먹하지 않았을까....
그런 고통을 이해하고 감당해내기엔 너무 어린 나이니까.
솔직히 나이가 무슨 상관이겠어.
어른인 나도 어찌할줄 몰랐을텐데.
그런 상황이 닥쳐오면,
그런 아픔이 몰려오면,
어떻게 대처해야하는지 아는 사람이 있을까?
아무도 모를껄.
정답은 없으니까..
there is no right way to deal.
of course not.
그래.
그게 그 꼬마의 방식이었던거다.
everyone has their own ways of dealing with grief.
but no body should ever have to deal with such incredibly-hard-almost-impossible-to-deal-with kind of situation.
it breaks my heart.
it really does...
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살아있는 동안 사랑하고,
사랑하는 동안 표현하라.
매일 매일,
수백번이고,
수천번이고,
늦기전에,
미루지말고,
아낌없이 말하라.
사랑한다고.
사랑한다고.
기회가 다시 오지 않을지 모르니까..
-- 이 책이 나에게 남겨준 메세지.
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나는
9/11로 인해 친구를 잃었다.
정확히 말하면 9/11 테러때문에 이라크 "전쟁" -- 나는 이것을 절대 전쟁이라고 보지 않지만 그것은 어쨌든 전쟁이라고 불리어지고 있다 -- 이 났고, 군인이었던 내 친구는 그 전쟁에 참가했고 그곳에서 죽었다.
왜?
왜?
왜?
왜 그렇게 죽어야했는지.
생각할 때마다 눈물이 나고 슬프다 못해 화가 치밀어오르는 것을 참을 수가 없다.
나를 더 아프게 했던 것은 친구의 죽음이 실린 인터넷 신문 기사에 달린 악플들.
죽은 사람을 두고 어떻게 그런 말들을 할 수가 있는지 정말 이해할 수 없다.
아프다.
목이 메인다.
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가기 전에 한 번만이라도 연락이 되었더라면 좋았을껄..
잘 다녀오라는 얘기라도 해줬을텐데..
늦었지만 보고싶다. 그리고 사랑한다 친구야.
I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love.
His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes
-- and the stars through his soul.
Victor Hugo
[Section I] Discipline
Problems and Pain
Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult -- once we truly understand and accept it -- then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan...as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?
What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one...And since life poses an endless series of problems, life is always difficult and is full of pain as well as joy.
Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. Is is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. 16
The Sins of the Father
"Do as I say, not as I do" parents
If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity and a capacity to order their own lives, then the child will come to feel in the deepest fibers of his being that this is the way to live...Yet even more important than role modeling is love...When we love something it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend time with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it....So it is when we love children; we spend time admiring them and caring for them. We give them our time. 22
The feeling of being valuable -- "I am a valuable person" -- is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self discipline. 24
Problem-Solving and Time
A ubiquitous and universal defect = It is the hope that problems will go away of their own accord.
Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. 30
Neuroses and Character Disorders
It is said that "neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable." 38
Escape from Freedom
My time was my responsibility. It was up to me and me alone to decide how I wanted to use and order my time. If I wanted to invest my time more heavily than my fellow residents in my work, then that was my choice, and the consequences of that choice were my responsibility. 41
"Take charge of me. You be the boss!"
Whenever we seek to avoid the responsibility for our own behavior, we do so by attempting to give that responsibility to some other individual or organization or entity. But this means we then give away our power to that entity, be it "fate" or "society" or the government or the corporation or our boss. It is for this reason that Erich Fromm so aptly titled his study of Nazism and authoritarianism Escape from Freedom. In attempting to avoid the pain of responsibility, millions and even billions daily attempt to escape from freedom. 42
...they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions. If they can accept this totally, then they become free people. To the extent that they do not accept this they will forever feel themselves victims. 44
Dedication to Reality
The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better equipped we are to deal with the world. The less clearly we see the reality of the world -- the more our minds are befuddled by falsehood, misperceptions and illusions -- the less able we will be to determine correct courses of action and make wise decisions. Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost. 44
While this is obvious, it is something that most people...choose to ignore. They ignore it because our route to reality is not easy. First of all, we are not born with maps; we have to make them, and the making requires effort. They more effort we make to appreciate and perceive reality, the larger and more accurate our maps will be. But many do not want to make this effort. Some stop making it by the end of adolescence Their maps are small and sketchy, their views of the world narrow and misleading. By the end of middle age most people have given up the effort. They feel certain that their maps are complete and they are no longer interested in new information. It is as if they are tired. Only a relative and fortunate few continue until the moment of death exploring the mystery of reality, ever enlarging and refining and redefining their understanding of the world and what is true. 45
...if our maps are to be accurate we have to continually revise them. The world itself is constantly changing....When we have children to care for, the world looks different from when we have none; when we are raising infants, the world seems different from when we are raising adolescents. When we are poor, the world looks different from when we are rich. We are daily bombarded with new information as to the nature of reality. 45
Often this act of ignoring is much more than passive. We may denounce the new information as false, dangerous, heretical, the work of the devil. We may actually crusade against it. and even attempt to manipulate the world so as to make it conform to our view of reality. Sadly, such a person may expend much more energy ultimately in defending an outmoded view of the world than would have been required to revise and correct it in the first place. 46
Openness to Challenge
A life of total dedication to the truth also means a life of willingness to be personally challenged. The only way that we can be certain that our map of reality is valid is to expose it to the criticism and challenge of other map-makers. Otherwise we live in a closed system. 53
Withholding Truth
A black lie is a statement we make that we know is false. A white lie is a statement we make that is not in itself false but that leaves out a significant part of the truth. The fact that a lie is white does not in itself make it any less of a lie or any more excusable. White lies may be every bit as destructive as black ones. A government that withholds essential information from its people by censorship is no more democratic than one that speaks falsely....White-lying is considered socially acceptable in many of our relationships because "we don't want to hurt people's feelings." Yet we may bemoan the fact that our social relationships are generally superficial. 59
Usually such withholding and lack of openness is rationalized on the basis of a loving desire to protect and shield their children from unnecessary worries. Yet more often than not such "protection" is unsuccessful....The result, then, is not protection but deprivation. The children are deprived of the knowledge they might gain about money, illness, drugs, sex, marriage, their parents, their grandparents and people in general. They are also deprived of the reassurance they might receive if these topics were discussed more openly. Finally, they are deprived of role models of partial honesty, incomplete openness and limited courage. 60
What rules can one follow if one is dedicated to the truth? First, never speak falsehood. Second, bear in mind that the act of withholding the truth is always potentially a lie, and that in each instance in which the truth is withheld a significant moral decision is required. Third, the decision to withhold the truth should never be based on personal needs, such as a need for power, a need to be liked or a need to protect one's map from challenge. Fourth, and conversely, the decision to withhold the truth must always be based entirely upon the needs of the person from whom the truth is being withheld. Fifth, the assessment of another's needs is an act of responsibility which is so complex that it can only be executed wisely when one operates with genuine love for the other. Sixth, the primary factor in the assessment of another's needs is the assessment of tat person's capacity to utilize the truth for his or her own spiritual growth. Finally, in assessing the capacity of another to utilize the truth for personal spiritual growth, it should be borne in mind that our tendency is generally to underestimate rather than overestimate this capacity. 63
....rewards of the difficult life of honesty and dedication to the truth are more than commensurate with the demands. By virtue of the fact that their maps are continually being challenged, open people are continually growing people. Through their openness they can establish and maintain intimate relationships far more effectively than more closed people. Because they never speak falsely they can be secure and proud in the knowledge that they have done nothing to contribute to the confusion of the world, but have served as sources of illumination and clarification. Finally, they are totally free to be. They are not burdened by any need to hide. They do not have to slink around in the shadows. They do not have to construct new lies to hide old ones. They need waste no effort covering tracks or maintaining disguises. And ultimately they find that the energy required for the self-discipline of honesty is far less than the energy required for secretiveness. 63
[Section II] Love
Love Defined
When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion -- through the fact that for that someone (or for our self) we take an extra step or walk an extra mile. Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful. 83
....the desire to love is not itself love. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will -- namely, both and intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. 83
Falling in "Love"
Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one's limits requires effort; falling in love is effortless.
The Myth of Romantic Love
....all couples learn that a true acceptance of their own and each other's individuality and separateness is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow. 93
More About Ego Boundaries
....we must be attracted toward, invested in and committed to an object outside of ourselves, beyond the boundaries of self. Psychiatrists call this process of attraction, investment and commitment "cathexis" and say that we "cathect" the beloved object. 94
Dependency
"What you describe is parasitism, not love. When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other." 98
They tolerate loneliness very poorly. Because of their lack of wholeness they have no real sense of identity, and they define themselves solely by their relationships. 99
Cathexis without Love
Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word "judicious" means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making. 111
"Self-Sacrifice"
....loving is a complicated rather than a simple activity, requiring the participation of his entire being -- his head as well as his heart. 112
He had to learn that not giving at the right time was more compassionate than giving at the wrong time, and that fostering independence was more loving than taking care of people who could otherwise take care of themselves. 113
....social sadomasochism, in which people unconsciously desire to hurt and be hurt by each other through their nonsexual interpersonal relations. 114
Whenever we think of ourselves as doing something for someone else, we are in some way denying our own responsibility. Whatever we do is done because we choose to do it, and we make that choice because it is the one that satisfies us the most. Whatever we do for someone else we do because it fulfills a need we have. Parents who say to their children, "You should be grateful for all that we have done for you" are invariably parents who are laking in love to a significant degree. Anyone who genuinely loves knows the pleasure of loving. When we genuinely love we do so because we want to love. We have children because we want to have children, and if we are loving parents, it is because we want to be loving parents. It is true that love involves a change in the self, but this is an extension of the self rather than a sacrifice of the self. As will be discussed again later, genuine love is a self-replenishing activity. Indeed, it is even more; it enlarges rather than diminishes the self; it fills the self rather than depleting it. In a real sense love is as selfish as nonlove....In the case of genuine love the aim is always spiritual growth. In the case of nonlove the aim is always something else. 116
Love is Not a Feeling
The misconception that love is a feeling exists because we confuse cathecting with loving....we may cathect any object, animate or inanimate, with or without a spirit....we have cathected another human being does not mean that we care a whit for that person's spiritual development....the intensity of our cathexes frequently has nothing to do with wisdom or commitment....our cathexes may be fleeting and momentary. 117
Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. When we are concerned for someone's spiritual growth, we know that a lack of commitment is likely to be harmful and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for us to manifest our concern effectively. 118
....the consistent and steadfast caring that can arise only from a capacity for commitment. This does not mean that the therapist always feels like listening to the patient. Commitment means that the therapist listens to the patient, like it or not. It is no different in a marriage. In a constructive marriage, the partners must regularly, routinely and predictably, attend to each other and their relationship no matter how they fell. As has been mentioned, couples sooner or later always fall out of love, and it is at the moment when the mating instinct has run its course that the opportunity for genuine love begins. 118
When love exists it does so with or without cathexis and with or without a loving feeling. It is easier -- indeed, it is fun -- to love with cathexis and the feeling of love. But it is possible to love without cathexis and without loving feelings, and it is in the fulfillment of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished from simple cathexis. The key word in this distinction is "will." I have defined love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own and another's spiritual growth. Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. 119
My feelings of love may be unbounded, but my capacity to be loving is limited. I therefore must choose the person on whom to focus my capacity to love, toward whom to direct my will to love. True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. 119
The Work of Attention
Love, then, is a form of work or a form of courage. Specifically, it is work or courage directed toward the nurture of our own or another's spiritual growth. 120
I loved him because I perceived him to be a person of great value worth attending to, and I loved myself because I was willing to work on behalf of my growth....Love, as we shall see again and again, is invariably a two-way street, a reciprocal phenomenon whereby the receiver also gives and the giver also receives. 123
At these times what children want from interaction is not communication but simply closeness, and pretend listening will suffice to provide them with the sense of being with that they want. Furthermore, children themselves often like to drift in and out of communication and will be understanding of their parents' selective listening, since they are only selectively communicating. 124
The Risk of Loss
Now we have said that simple cathexis is not love, that love transcends cathexis. This is true, but love requires cathexis for a beginning. We can love only that which in one way or another has importance for us. But with cathexis there is always the risk of loss or rejection. If you move out to another human being, there is always the risk that that person will move away from you, leaving you more painfully alone than you were before. 133
If we can lie with the knowledge that death is our constant companion, traveling on our "left shoulder," then death can become in the words of Don Juan, our "ally," still fearsome but continually a source of wise counsel. With death's counsel, the constant awareness of the limit of our time to live and love, we can always be guided to make the best use of our time and live life to the fullest. 134
The Risk of Independence
Many never take any of these potential enormous leaps, and consequently many do not ever really grow up at all. Despite their outward appearances they remain psychologically still very much the children of their parents, living by hand-me-down values, motivated primarily by their parents' approval and disapproval (even when their parents are long dead and buried), never having dared to truly take their destiny into their own hands. 137
...major changes are acts of self-love. 138
...not only does love for oneself provide the motive for such major changes; it also is the basis for the courage to risk them. 138
The Risk of Commitment
...it is our sense of commitment after the wedding which makes possible the transition from falling in love to genuine love. And it is our commitment after conception which transforms us from biological into psychological parents. 140
She realized that sex was not a matter commitment but one of self-expression and play and exploration and learning and joyful abandonment. Knowing that I would always be available to her if she became bruised, like the good mother she had never had, she was free to allow her sexuality to burst forth. Her frigidity melted. By the time she terminated therapy in the fourth year, Rachel had become a vivacious and openly passionate person who was busily enjoying all that human relationships have to offer. 147
The Risk of Confrontation
Two ways to confront or criticize another human being: 1) the way of arrogance; 2) the way of humility.
To fail to confront when confrontation is required for the nurture of spiritual growth represents a failure to love equally as does thoughtless criticism or condemnation and other forms of active deprivation of caring. 153
No marriage can be judged truly successful unless husband and wife are each other's best critics. The same hold true for friendship. 153
If we want to be heard we must speak in a language the listener can understand and on a level at which the listener is capable of operating. If we are to love we must extend ourselves to adjust our communication to the capacities of our beloved. 154
Love is Disciplined
"Shallow brooks are noisy" and "Still water run deep." 156
While one should not be a salve to one's feelings, self-discipline does not mean the swashing of one's feelings into non-existence....one's feelings are the source of one's energy, we should treat them with respect. 156
...guilt-ridden neurotic so often exerts over his feelings, is equally self destructive. 157
To attempt to love someone who cannot benefit from your love with spiritual growth is to waste your energy, to cast your seed upon arid ground. 158
There is frequently something pathetic about the individual who has failed to build his family into a loving unit, yet restlessly searches for loving relationships outside the family. The first obligation of a genuinely loving person will always be to his marital and parental relationships. 159
When I genuinely love I am extending myself, and when I am extending myself I am growing. The more I love, the longer I love, the larger I become. Genuine love is self-replenishing. 160
Love is Separateness
...the distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved. The genuine lover always perceives the beloved as someone who has a totally separate identity....the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved. 160
...the vast majority of parents fail in some degree to adequately recognize or fully appreciate the unique individuality or "otherness" of their children. 163
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
"The purpose and function of Lily," I responded, "is to grow to be the most of which she is capable, not for my benefit but for her own and to the glory of God." 166
...I draw the analogy between marriage and a base camp for mountain climbing. If one wants to climb mountains one must have a good base camp, a place where there are shelters and provisions, where one may receive nurture and rest before one ventures forth again to seek another summit. Successful mountain climbers know that they must spend at least as much time, if not more, in tending to their base camp as they actually do in climbing mountains, for their survival is dependent upon their seeing to t that their base camp is sturdily constructed and well stocked. 167
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On Marriage You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. |
[Section III] Growth and Religion
World Views and Religion
...our understanding of what life is all about....is our religion. Since everyone has some understanding -- some world view, no matter how limited or primitive or inaccurate -- everyone has a religion. This fact, not widely recognized, is of the utmost importance: everyone has a religion. 185
We have a situation in which human beings, who must deal with each other, have vastly different views as to the nature of reality, yet each one believes his or her own view to be the correct one since it is based on the microcosm of personal experience. 192
The Baby and the Bath Water
There is clearly a lot of dirty bath water surrounding the reality of God. Holy wars. Inquisitions. Animal sacrifice. Human sacrifice. Superstition. Stultification. Dogmatism. Ignorance. Hypocrisy. Self-righteousness. Rigidity. Cruelty. Book-burning. Witch-burning. Inhibition. Fear. Conformity. Morbid guilt. Insanity. The list is almost endless. But is all this what God has done to humans or what humans have done to God? 222
"collective unconscious ," in which we inherit the wisdom of the experience of our ancestors without ourselves having the personal experience. 252
How People Change by Allen Wheelis
Those who achieve growth not only enjoy the fruits of growth but give the same fruits to the world. Evolving as individuals, we carry humanity on our backs. And so humanity evolves. 267
...the impediments to spiritual growth. Ultimately there is only the one impediment, and that is laziness. 271
the ubiquitous nature of laziness 272
The debate between the serpent and God is symbolic of the dialogue between good and evil which can and should occur within the minds of human beings....So original sin does exist; it is our laziness. 273
A major form that laziness takes is fear. 274
Ordinary laziness is nonlove; evil is antilove.
Our personal involvement in the fight against evil in the world is one of the ways we grow. 279
...what is the capacity of spiritual power if not the capacity to coerce? It is the capacity to make decisions with maximum awareness. It is consciousness.
Most people most of the time make decisions with little awareness of what they are doing. They take action with little understanding of their own motives and without beginning to know the ramifications of their choices....
We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and the most enlightened when we are the most confused. 285
The one who regards his division simply and solely as a unit of strategy may sleep easily after having made his decision. But for the other, with his awareness of each of the lives of the men under his command, the decision will be agonizing. We are all generals. Whatever action we take may influence the course of civilization. The decision whether to praise or punish a single child may have vast consequences. It is easy to act with the awareness of limited data and let the chips fall as they may. The greater our awareness, however, the more and more data we must assimilate and integrate into our decision-making. The more we know, the more complex decisions become. Yet the more and more we know, the more it begins to become possible to predict just where the chips will fall. 287
Serendipity was defined as "the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for." Buddha found enlightenment only when he stopped seeking for it -- when he let it come to him. On the other hand, who can doubt that enlightenment came to him precisely because he had devoted at least sixteen years of his life seeking it, sixteen years in preparation? He had to both seek for it and not seek for it. 308
1 John 4:13-21: Fear's Remedy
IN THE SEQUEL to Pilgrim's Progress, Mr. Great-Heart and Father Honest engage in a conversation about an old friend, Mr. Fearing. At one point in the dialogue he is portrayed in the following way: "He was a man that had the root of the matter in him, but he was one of the most troublesome Pilgrims that I ever met with in all my days." That is Bunyan's way of describing many who are on the road to heaven: thoroughly sincere (the root of the matter is in them) yet so overloaded with doubts and fears that their pilgrimage is indeed "troublesome." How is Mr. Fearing to fare in this life? How does he, and how do we, overcome this kind of problem? The answer, in part, lies within this passage in 1 John.
Warming Up to God
In what ways do you feel burdened by fear? Pause to voice your fears to God and listen for his assurance.
- I feel burdened by the fear of under accomplishing; not being able to live up to my potential; not realizing my use and purpose in this world.
Read 1 John 4:13-21. »
Discovering the Word
- What three tests does John give for determining whether "we live in him and he in us" (vv. 13-16)?
- We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - How is our experience of God's love related to our ability to love others (vv. 16, 19)?
- And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. We love because he first loved us. - What insights does verse 18 give us into why we sometimes fear God and others?
- There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - Why is it impossible to love God and yet hate one of the members of his family (vv. 19-21)?
- We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Applying the Word
- How can the principle "perfect love drives out fear" (v. 18) help you overcome your fears?
- I will fully believe and have faith in God that He created me with a purpose. Perfect faith=perfect love=zero fear. - In what ways can this passage strengthen our confidence before God?
- He so loved/loves us.
Responding in Prayer
Ask God to fill you with love for someone whom you find difficult to love.
하나님,
나는요, 맨날 믿는다고 하면서 사랑한다고 하면서 그러지 못해요.
믿음이 부족한 저를 용서해주세요.
죽음에 대한 두려움이 있는 것은
하나님을 온전히 믿지 못하기 때문이라는 걸 알았어요.
인간은, 나는 이렇게나 나약한 존재군요..
you know whom i find difficult to love.
to be honest, i don't even know i want to ask you to help me love this person.
it is so hard to open my heart and forgive.
dear God, i hope someday i can get over it.
i hope i can forgive and forget.
forgetting is easy, but forgiving is so hard to do..
내 마음 속에 온전한 사랑이 자리잡을 수 있기를 기도합니다.
이렇게나 부족하고 모자란 저를 사랑해 주신 것 감사해요.
God, help me find the real peace. i pray that my life be filled with not just happiness but with joy.
Amen.
For Further Study
Love: The Greatest Gift of All by Phyllis J. Le Peau
1 John 4:1-12: Discernment & Devotion
EVERY CHRISTIAN VIRTUE bears within itself the seeds of its own destruction. A zeal for the truth, for example, if not tempered by love and compassion can cause us to become arrogant, harsh and cold. Likewise, love for others if unchecked by the truth can cause us to be wishy-washy and even tolerant toward sin. If one of these virtues is not governed by the other, it can become a liability and not a strength. Like everything else, obtaining a proper balance is of utmost importance. In this passage, both doctrinal discernment and devotion to other Christians are held before us in perfect balance. They are not either/or, but both/and. One without the other is not enough.
Warming Up to God
Which of these two aspects of the Christian life do you tend to emphasize above the other? Why?
I tend to emphasize "love for others" because I love the idea of love and forgiveness, more than the zeal for truth.
Read 1 John 4:1-12. »
Discovering the Word
- Why is there such a great need for Christians to be discerning (v. 1)?
- Not every spirit is from God and there are many "false prophets" out in the world. - What test does John give us for determining whether a person's teaching is from "the Spirit of God" or the "spirit of the antichrist" (vv. 2-3)?
- Acknowledging Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God. - As Christians, how can we overcome the doctrinal errors that continually confront us (vv. 4-6)?
- People from the world speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. People from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood. - Why must we be diligent in our devotion to one another (vv. 7-8)?
- Love comes from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. God is love. - How does our love for each other make the invisible God visible in our midst (v. 12)?
- No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Applying the Word
- How does God's love for you motivate you to love others (v. 11)?
- Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. - In what practical way can you show love this week to a brother or sister in Christ?
- I will always be sincere and truthful when I interact with people. No grumbling and fretting.
Responding in Prayer
Ask that you would be filled with love.
사랑하는 하나님 아버지,
나의 마음이 사랑으로 가득 채워지길 원합니다.
내 마음 속의 괜한 시기와 질투, 미움은 다 사라지고
그 자리에 사랑이 가득 차기를 원합니다.
하나님이 나를 이렇게 사랑해주시는데 내가 못나서 이렇게 마음이 꽁합니다.
더욱 더 너그럽게 베풀 줄 아는 나눔의 사람이 될 수 있도록 도와주세요.
사랑으로 가득 찬 나의 따뜻한 마음이, 말이, 행동이 내 주위의 사람들에게 전해질 수 있기를..
항상 감사하는 제가 될게요 :)
사랑해요.
아멘.
For Further Study
Four Great Loves by Judith Allen Shelly
We are called to four great loves:
- to love God
- to love God's Word
- to love God's people
- to love God's purposes in the world
사랑할 때, 사랑이 있는 곳에 믿음이 있다.
그리스도를 많이 사랑하면 그분을 많이 믿을 수 밖에 없다.
Thomas Brooks.
We must inoculate our children against militarism, by educating them in the spirit of pacifism. Our schoolbooks glorify war and conceal its horrors. They indoctrinate children with hatred. I would teach peace rather than war, love rather than hate.
Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
Albert Einstein.
